Hello 2020! Welcome Kitty Cat II!

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays.  Mine were different as I spent them in my own home for the first time.  I wasn't sure how I would do, but thanks to friends and a new furbaby, Kitty Cat II, I did just fine.

Kitty Cat II

After all of my travels came to an end, I paid a visit to the Humane Society here in town.  It was actually my second visit - the first I didn't connect with any cats, which was kind of sad.  The second visit was to meet a particular cat, but she wasn't the one, so I just visited with the cats.  A friend was with me and commented that "Bubbles" (name has since changed) didn't like her. Naturally, I went to meet her.  She let me pet her, swished her tail, and even meowed at me.  She didn't get up, though.  I looked at the door to her condo -- she'd been there six weeks.  I looked at her and she looked at me and I knew.  She was the one.  It wasn't that she didn't like my friend, she was just tired. She was an owner surrender, due to health.  I couldn't take her home that night as I needed to get the house ready.  I was worried, maybe someone else would take her before I could get back the next day.  The employee working at the time said not to worry, no one had shown any interest in her.  It broke my heart. I told her (the cat) that I'd be back the next day to get her.  I came home and got everything ready, including making a nest for her with a soft rug under the bed -- I knew she'd be scared and would need a safe space.

I went back the next day. It was raining and miserable and I had a migraine in the making, but I told her I go get her and I did.  Adopting from the Humane Society is a joy - they send you home with a bag of food, a little scratcher, plus she was microchipped and in good health (though I did get her checked out by my vet).  Getting her out of the condo was stressful and she cried all the way home.  She then promptly hid in any number of places, eventually ending up under the bed in the nest I had made.  She did sleep with me for part of the first night.  Alas, we were both stressed.  I worried that maybe it was too soon.  Maybe I needed to get the house more in order.  After being in a home, then a shelter, then going home with a strange person, I'm sure she was just plain freaked out. But, then I looked at her and realized it was better than the condo at the shelter, so I practiced patience. I finally enticed her out of the bedroom after a week with a wand toy.

We celebrated out two month anniversary a week ago and she's been an absolute joy.  I can't figure out why no one showed interest in her as she is the sweetest kitty.  She is is almost three, still a baby, really.  Athletic. And, she's a brick -- almost 14 pounds, but no squish here.  Just a big cat.  She loves to play fetch, look out the window, get on the back of my chair, or the back of the couch.  She sleeps with me every night.  I still miss Kitty Cat I, but Kitty Cat II has brought life back to the house and she makes me laugh.

I know I'm not the first person to suffer pet loss.  I can say that welcoming a new pet into the family is definitely a win for everyone.  When it's your time to welcome a new cat after loss, please consider an older cat - you won't regret it.

On Saying Goodbye and Grieving..

My Mom
1934 - 2019

So, this summer has not been the best.  In fact, probably the worst summer of my life.  I'm not exaggerating.  At the end of May, my Mother passed away.  That's how I'll always remember Memorial Day.  I knew decisions would have to be made, but they were along the lines of convincing her to return to assisted living, where I felt she would do better.  Two years ago, an assited living facility literally saved her life.  At least, I'll always believe so.  She had a severe reaction to medication and it is my belief that the new doctor (who discontinued the med) and the assisted living facility got my Mom, well, back to being my Mom.  After about six months she was able to return home, where she did well for about a year and half.  Then things started going slightly wrong.  Not like two years ago, but enough to cause worry.  Enough to make me wonder what I should take on and how I should address it with her.  We talked about it.  She wanted to stay at home.  Literally -- she wanted to die at home.  I was still trying to figure out how much to take over, finances, etc, when I got the call.  She had passed away.  In the end, she got her wish and she passed at home. I don't think she even knew it -- she just passed.  We should all be so blessed.

It's been hard.  I'm the Executrix.  I don't think it's the same as when a spouse dies - you stay in the house, you keep the accounts.  I'm literally closing out a person's life and it's sad.  Memories are everywhere, including the city I live (she helped me move here), my house (so many things she gave me), and of course, being in her house deciding what I'm going to keep and what goes in the Estate sale.  Add in closing all the accounts and having to tell person after person she's passed away and provide death certificates and proof that I can do what I'm doing.  Banks still protect the privacy of the dead, which means it's really hard to get information because they won't give it to you until you prove to their satisfaction that they can give the information to you. Taxes still have to be filed.  And, even four months later, it just still seems wrong.  I was lucky -- I visited her two weeks before she passed and spoke with her frequently after I returned home, including the day before she passed.  You'd think it would be more of a comfort that my last words to her were "I love you," but sometimes I just wish I'd been with her or seen her rather than just talking with her.

Kitty Cat
1999 - 2019

And then, when you think things can't get worse, they do.  Shortly after Labor Day, September 5th, I lost my little buddy, my furbaby - my cat.  She was 20 and was my best friend for 19 years.  In my adult life, she was literally the best thing that ever happened to me. She provided company, support, and unconditional love.  In the end, I had to make the decision that I did not want to make, but it's part of the responsibility we take on when we become a pet guardian.  I will always wonder about that, too. It's been about three weeks and the house is not the same.  I hadn't realized how hard it would be to be alone in my home and it's harder than I ever imagined. I can at least come home now without dread, but going to bed is still hard -- she used to sleep on me.  I know there is another little buddy waiting for me, but it will be a while before I take that step.  I need to wrap up my Mom's estate and there is travel that I have to do, so I'll do that.  I'm hoping by Christmas I'm able to welcome a new furbaby into my life.  Sometimes, though, thinking about getting another cat scares me and sometimes thinking about not getting another cat scares me.

Book Review: Calm the F*ck Down by Sarah Knight

Calm the F*ck Down: How to Control What You Can and Accept What You Can't So You Can Stop Freaking Out and Get On With Your Life by Sarah Knight
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I read this book because a boatload of sh*t has come my way since Memorial Day and I thought it might give me a bit of help. Well, it’s more for dealing with sh*t that hasn’t happened yet, though there is a section of dealing with sh*t that is happening now. I can say that I did walk away with a few good “tools” to help me with what is going on.

This book is actually geared toward anxiety, including the kind we create ourselves and which can be irrational. I’ve never thought that I created my own anxiety, just considered it niggling little fears. So, apparently I can let go of some of the smaller things already (not obsessing about my plane crashing because once we’re in the air, really, what am I going to do, though I do hate to fly, sometimes you just gotta).

I’m not sure I’d consider some of the rest of it anxiety, but hey maybe it is and I just don’t know it. The toolbox is good. In fact, I may read some of her other books or listen to her TED Talk (this was the first book in this “series” that I’ve read).

I do agree with some of the other reviewers - her examples are sometimes a little light weight and simplistic. I’ll use “death” as an example. Yes, we have to deal with it, but sometimes, it just piles up. Her first foray though was worries about dying. Well, we’re going to and there’s really no need to obsess, so I agree with her about that. However, she didn’t include pet deaths in this and here I disagree. People who lose long time pet companions, say after 15 plus years, it’s going to hurt. Now, say that loss occurs after the death of a parent or a significant other. Like within weeks or months. (Full disclosure - this scenario happened to me and a friend). Getting up in the morning is an achievement. Going home is an achievement. Tools can help, but seriously, this just lays you low. She acknowledges this, but it’s basically a sentence or two. So, yes, I thought some of the examples could have been a little more substantial and I think there could have been a part about when it all happens at once. Having said that, ultimately, if you can apply the “tools” to the insubstantial you can apply the “tools” to the substantial. Because, the more substantial, probably the less control. Which is a key theme/question in the book. And, if you can’t control it, should you worry about it? Some things, like death, though, bring other worries or anxieties and while I think this was mentioned, it was somewhat glossed over as a way to handle the original problem of death -- but again, take it in baby steps, crate those emuppies and forge ahead. Sometimes, stepping back and being pragmatic (grabbing those logicats) is what is needed.

As others have said, it’s pretty basic advice, but sometimes it helps to see it written and this book came with a couple of exercises, which I found helpful (yes, I did them). One of the criticisms was that you don't think of these things in the midst of a sh*tstorm -- I think the point of the book is you should. Yes, it's hard, but I've had a lot going on and in hindsight, it might have been better if I'd had some of these "tools" then.

I won’t say it was life changing, but I did gain from the book, so I’ll recommend it. Be sure you’re okay with profanity, though, because the title is just the start.


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Book Review: Magpie Murders by Anthony Horowitz

Magpie Murders by Anthony Horowitz
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is a mystery within a mystery. The book begins with Susan Ryeland, book editor with Cloverdale Books, receiving the latest book by their best selling author, Alan Conway, for weekend reading. It’s a mystery titled The Magpie Murders, featuring private investigator Atticus Pund. After the first three or four pages, we are thrust into the fictional mystery. At first it was hard to get into. It’s an investigator that exists within this book only and there are references to previous cases/books. After a bit, though, I got into the mystery. There were a lot of clues, but you don’t see who the murderer is and there are a couple of red herrings, including the number of murders and the culprit. Right as we are about to get the resolution, we learn that Susan’s copy has missing pages.

Now, we are back in “real life.” Susan heads to the office on Monday to see if her boss, Charles Clover, has the chapters. He doesn’t and worse - he’s just learned that the author is dead. He committed suicide and sent a suicide letter to Charles.

Susan heads to his home to search for the chapters and after talking with Alan’s much younger boyfriend, James, who he left his wife for, and with his sister, and looking at his diary, Susan begins to believe that perhaps Alan did not commit suicide. Susan was not close with Alan and didn’t particularly like him. We learn that many others didn’t really like him and, in fact, he wasn’t a really likable guy. Susan begins investigating, knowing how crazy it is what she is doing. However, she’s looking for the missing chapters and begins to see parallels between Magpie Murders and Alan’s death.

There is a side story with Susan’s personal life, she has a Greek boyfriend, Andreas, who has decided after his last visit to Crete, that’s he’s going to resign from teaching and take over a hotel on Crete with his cousin. This throws Susan for a loop - she’s not sure she wants to give up her life in England and she’s been offered the opportunity to take over the publishing house so Charles can basically retire and be a grandfather to his new grandbaby.

I won’t go too much further or the whole thing will be given away. Alan was a puzzler first and foremost and he carried it through his books. Once Susan realizes this, she knows what to look for. Clues are laid out, and in fact, I picked up on them in the same niggling fashion Susan did, though I didn’t put it together as fast as she did. The ending is somewhat dramatic and, as stated by our heroine, it costs her dearly. I’m not sure the repercussions would necessarily have been what was written, but maybe so. As I said, Alan was not well liked. There’s an undercurrent here that perhaps since he was so disliked and not a nice person that maybe Susan should have let sleeping dogs lie, that maybe it was okay. He was dying anyway and his death prevented something that would have benefited no one from happening. You wind up wondering if you should think that Susan pursuing what happened was wrong. It’s subtle, but it’s there and really gives one pause for thought.

In the end, I think things for Susan happened as they were meant to be, but it was a hard way to come to the realization. I enjoyed this book and debated between three and four stars, but ultimately went with three because I never quite connected with Susan. I think for such a long book, some of the relationships were hinted at or maybe because they were already established, there just wasn’t a need to provide more. I couldn’t really tell if Andreas and Susan’s relationship should or shouldn’t move forward, but was happy with the ending. Overall, it was an enjoyable read.


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