Calm the F*ck Down: How to Control What You Can and Accept What You Can't So You Can Stop Freaking Out and Get On With Your Life by Sarah KnightMy rating: 3 of 5 stars
I read this book because a boatload of sh*t has come my way since Memorial Day and I thought it might give me a bit of help. Well, it’s more for dealing with sh*t that hasn’t happened yet, though there is a section of dealing with sh*t that is happening now. I can say that I did walk away with a few good “tools” to help me with what is going on.
This book is actually geared toward anxiety, including the kind we create ourselves and which can be irrational. I’ve never thought that I created my own anxiety, just considered it niggling little fears. So, apparently I can let go of some of the smaller things already (not obsessing about my plane crashing because once we’re in the air, really, what am I going to do, though I do hate to fly, sometimes you just gotta).
I’m not sure I’d consider some of the rest of it anxiety, but hey maybe it is and I just don’t know it. The toolbox is good. In fact, I may read some of her other books or listen to her TED Talk (this was the first book in this “series” that I’ve read).
I do agree with some of the other reviewers - her examples are sometimes a little light weight and simplistic. I’ll use “death” as an example. Yes, we have to deal with it, but sometimes, it just piles up. Her first foray though was worries about dying. Well, we’re going to and there’s really no need to obsess, so I agree with her about that. However, she didn’t include pet deaths in this and here I disagree. People who lose long time pet companions, say after 15 plus years, it’s going to hurt. Now, say that loss occurs after the death of a parent or a significant other. Like within weeks or months. (Full disclosure - this scenario happened to me and a friend). Getting up in the morning is an achievement. Going home is an achievement. Tools can help, but seriously, this just lays you low. She acknowledges this, but it’s basically a sentence or two. So, yes, I thought some of the examples could have been a little more substantial and I think there could have been a part about when it all happens at once. Having said that, ultimately, if you can apply the “tools” to the insubstantial you can apply the “tools” to the substantial. Because, the more substantial, probably the less control. Which is a key theme/question in the book. And, if you can’t control it, should you worry about it? Some things, like death, though, bring other worries or anxieties and while I think this was mentioned, it was somewhat glossed over as a way to handle the original problem of death -- but again, take it in baby steps, crate those emuppies and forge ahead. Sometimes, stepping back and being pragmatic (grabbing those logicats) is what is needed.
As others have said, it’s pretty basic advice, but sometimes it helps to see it written and this book came with a couple of exercises, which I found helpful (yes, I did them). One of the criticisms was that you don't think of these things in the midst of a sh*tstorm -- I think the point of the book is you should. Yes, it's hard, but I've had a lot going on and in hindsight, it might have been better if I'd had some of these "tools" then.
I won’t say it was life changing, but I did gain from the book, so I’ll recommend it. Be sure you’re okay with profanity, though, because the title is just the start.
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