I moved into the apartment a week ago this past Friday. It wasn't easy to find an apartment and this one does not feel like my home. I have never felt this disconnected with any place that I have lived in. It's a nice apartment and I simply don't like it. I don't really "match" my neighbors as there aren't many professionals here. Not bad, per se, but I don't feel like I fit in. I don't care for the drive I'll have to work and I don't really care for the city as a whole.
If you haven't guessed, this has been hard and I'm pretty sure it's probably one of my more poorly made decisions on a host of fronts. If I stay here in this city, I'll have to move to another apartment in about 6 months. People are moving out of this one in droves and I'm not too sure I can learn to ignore the trains. Yes, trains. They come through all hours of the day and night and the freight trains shake the apartment. That's how close I am. I can't imagine being in one of the apartments that's closer to the tracks. You can't really see them as the tracks are hidden by trees. I did hear the train when I was looking but didn't realize how often they come through and how bad it would be. Course, we had two whole days to find something and constant calls from the movers asking if we had an address.
Add to all of this, the apartment is a cave. Most that we looked at were. The living area is nice sized, but I can't arrange my furniture to my liking. The patio is nice (covered which I'm sure doesn't help with the light), not screened, but none of the screened porches I saw did much for me either. I still overlook a tree (2nd floor) but I really, really miss all of the natural light I've had in my previous dwellings.
My Mom (who came with) is tired of hearing me lament what I've given up. I fully accept I made this decision, but that doesn't mean in hindsight it wasn't a bad one. It also will take me time to truly mourn what I gave up in in my previous city. Job included, with all the crazy people and the lack of processes and the warts that came with it. I think I convinced myself I should want this type of opportunity instead of really looking at where I was in life and was I happy/content. Nothing in this apartment inspires me to do anything, especially cook or bake. And, it's all electric. And, since it's hotter here, the A/C is already on and I can't get comfortable. So, second lesson learned - if you are happy/content, the rest is window dressing. Don't try to change what is working. Think with your heart not with your head or what you think you should be doing. Do what is right for you.
Anyway, this is not a happy post and I apologize for that. I keep hoping that by writing it out and talking about it, I'll find a way to move on. I think I have by the evenings, then I wake up in the morning and realize where I am and that it just feels wrong. I thought I'd taken into account all my lessons learned from moving to back to Texas a few years ago and apparently I didn't. I know I had it hard when I moved the last time, but I have never experienced anything like I'm experiencing with this move.
I hoping that after I start work, things will be better. Though, the longer I'm here, the less I like it. So, sadly, I've got at least two moves left to go because I can't see living here for any extended period of time. Never occurred to me I would not like the city I moved to as I've heard nothing but great things about it and everyone I told said, "oh, you'll love it." I certainly didn't expect this level of dislike, but that's what I've got. I'm just hoping working makes it a little better until I can somehow either really embrace being here or I can undo what I've done.
Hopefully, my next post won't be such a downer.